IT WAS in the garden that I found the solitude I needed to consider the world outside my walls, safe with the deformed progeny of development. If I sat for too long the fast growing creepers would tangle my legs and I would have to be cut loose by the staff. If I sat all day I could be entombed in greenery that tickled its way under my sleeves and over my face. In this way I imagined myself in death.
Looking out over the city now, all I see is movement, a complex uncoordinated dance. Civilization helps create the illusion that there is meaning to it all, even if one gets no closer to defining it.
What is the point of all these definitions? So we can tidy up our dictionaries? So we can make easy decisions for all time and rely on pre-written descriptors for right and wrong, who is human or not human?
There is not just one ‘human animal’. Each is different in function, physicality and methodology. Civilization is a complex pile-up of niches and enterprises and perhaps with all the levels of changed humanity, technologically enhanced, nano-wired, synthetic replicas, Freaks, the useful and the useless; the larger it gets, the less united it becomes. Individuals align with those who interpret life the way they do, or who adapt to it the same way.
The mistake we often pursue is in personifying human civilization and imagining a singular conscious entity imbued with intention and identity, rather than the composite of billions who make decisions for themselves and associate only with those around them. In this way we share our nature with germ and viral cultures, our commonality and our individualism entwined in a flux of development and indecision.
ENDINGS are as hard and as uncomfortable as beginnings but contain an illusion of governability. That proviso in place, I am resolved that the end of this little book will be as delicate as removing guests from one’s home after an evening of frivolity.
Perhaps just one last dissection: at its most basic, a thinking being can resolve that there is either meaning behind it all, or there isn’t – the answer for each of us can make a grand difference even if only to effect subsequent questioning. I find it hard to take sides as it seems arbitrary to me whether there is a set meaning that is unknown, or if there is no meaning at all – either way we have to make it up ourselves. It is not necessarily that there is no truth, but when one does not know the truth all you have is perspective.
The answers seem almost as innocuous as the questions and luckily, I think, such answering hardly lasts a generation. That is not to say we should stop trying; what would be the fun in that? But it might help (or humble) some to accept that life will go on with or without the answers, and with or without us.
a bientot
T. Bumbly














